This post is the work of many nights. I have been wanting to journal the birth stories of each of my children for years, yet I have always put it off because I knew the time to write it all out would be tremendous. However, a few days ago I realized that I don't have to write it all at once, if I write a little every night eventually I will have each of their stories completed. So here it is, the first part of my birth series.
Matthew Steele Filhart born May 12, 2006 at 01:36pm.
Let's start at week 38. On this week I woke up early and went to my weekly appointment. While discussing the fact that I was not dilated whatsoever, my doctor asked me if I was interested in being induced. He explained that he would be out of town for his son's wedding the week I was due and this would make it so that he would be there for my baby's birth. Of course as a first time expectant mom, and one who had not taken a birthing class, nor did I have much experience in the labor and delivery arena, I gave a very enthusiastic, "YES!" So my induction was scheduled for the following Thursday.
Thursday morning. I woke up excited, by the end of the day I would be a mom, or so I thought. I was scheduled for 1100 and was to call 1 hour ahead to make sure there was a room available. Since I had time I went and got my hair done, painted my toenails, packed a bag and waited for 1000 to roll around. At 1000 I called and got the bad news, no bed available, call back at 1500. Called at 1500, no bed available, they would call me if something became available, but I should probably count on a Friday induction. So Wes and I went out, ate Chinese, and enjoyed our last night as a family of 2. Then at about 1900 I recieved a call from Banner Mesa that there was a bed available and to come on down.
We arrived at the hospital in record time, paperwork was filled out, I was wheeled back to a room, IV was placed, they checked my cervix (0.5cm dilated and less than 50% effaced), pitocin was hung and the fun started....or so I thought. At the time all I knew about pitocin was that it induced labor. Now after 4 children and nursing school I know so much more. 1) It makes my contractions 10x worse than normal contractions. 2) In a case like mine when I was only 0.5cm dilated, being induced with pitocin will make it difficult to deliver without an epidural and it will wear you out by the time you actually start pushing. 3) Although necessary at times (I HAD to have it with 2 of my babies), it is also dangerous. I realize now that with Steele it would have been better to wait a few extra weeks than to add an unnecessary danger to my baby. I know many people who have been induced in situations like mine and they prefer it, however, it was not ideal for me.
At first time passed somewhat quickly, Wes and I played card games and watched TV, but then around 0100 Wes fell asleep. I tried to sleep, but it was fitful because the pitocin was already causing uncomforable contrations. Just after 0300 I woke up and was laying in a pool of fluid. My first thought, I peed the bed, I was so embarressed, but I pressed the call light anyway. When the RN arrived I explained my dilemma and she informed me it wasn't urine, it was amniotic fluid. My water had broken. "Yay!" I thought, I'm progressing quickly. Not really. Turns out, I was only 3cm dilated. This is when the real pain started. For the next 3 hours I tried to "breath" through contractions, but they were long and very close together. I basically stayed in fetal position while sitting up the whole time. By 0600 I knew I had to be getting closer, the contractions were so strong and they had increased the pitocin a lot! The outgoing RN checked me one more time, 4cm. Serious? She asked me, do you want an epidural? And at this point I was in too much pain and too exhausted to say no. Not long after that, they were wheeling in the anithesiologist cart and prepping me for a needle to go in my spine.
The epidural. I'm not scared of needles, and honestly I wasn't worried about getting an epidural, but I will say this, you HAVE to have a good doctor and this doctor was not in that catagory. The first time the anesthesiologist instered the catheter he said, "if it feels like it's going off to the left or right let me know." Sure enought it did and I told him so. He pulled it back and tried again, same thing. This time he told me I was probably just "feeling it". Nope. Cause a few hours later I was still able to move my lower body, however, it did take the edge off the contractions which was nice.
After the epidural I was able to sleep off and on until around 11 am when I started to feel some pressure. I let the nurse know and she informed me I was getting close but not ready to push. Mom, my Sister Sarah, Sarah Engberg (a close friend) and of course Wes kept me company, at least they did when they weren't down stairs playing games. :) By 12:30pm the nurse checked me again and said it I was at 10cm. She notified Dr. Huish, gave me some tips and prepped me to start pushing. I was excited, little did I know the worse was yet to come. Pushing is hard, even harder when you can't feel everything and are not in control and even harder still when your epidural doesn't work correctly and you feel pain in certain areas of your body and not others. The first few pushes went smoothly with absolutely no progress. After about 30 minutes I was starting to lose my gumption and frustration began to set in. I remember looking at Dr. Huish, who sat so comfortably in a chair talking to my mom, and saying to him, "so when you finally stand up and start helping I'll know I'm getting closer, right?" Not long after that I started to feel light headed. The staff decided to apply some oxygen via face mask which made me claustrophobic and did little to help my irritation. I was really struggling to focus. To make matters worse, the hospital had just switched to computer monitoring and there was a delay in showing oncoming contractions. If I hadn't had an epidural this wouldn't have been a big deal, but because I couldn't feel everything I couldn't quite tell when I should start pushing. After 45 minutes of this my patience was worn and my drive was gone.
About 15 minutes before Steele entered the world, I remember thinking, "If this baby doesn't come out soon, I don't think I'll have the strength to push him out and they will have to do a c-section." I don't know if Dr. Huish is telepathic or if he simply saw my anguish, because immediately following this thought he asked, "would you like some help?" Maybe it was God's way of prepping me for something I didn't want to do, but was necessary. Either way, I said yes and Dr. Huish assisted me in bringing Steele into the world via vacuum. For days afterwards I remember feeling bad, thinking I was weak and wishing I could go back and change his birth. Now, after 4 deliveries, I know I'm not weak and I truly feel that his delivery prepared me for every other delivery after him.
The first moments- Steele was a handsome, some-what alien looking baby, and I loved him at first sight. Wes was a proud Daddy and I felt closer to him at that moment than almost any other I can remember. He weighed 7lbs 10 ounces and was 20.5 inches long with a big head measuring over 14 inches. You know, there are a million feelings that rush through a mom following a birth, I mostly remember feeling grateful to hold my baby in my arms. To this day I love to gather Steele in my arms and just hold him, it's when I feel the closest to him spiritually. How grateful I am that this strong, confident young boy came to our family and introduced me to the role of "Mom".
