Hard Days

I had a hard day today and my feelings are too fresh to write about it in detail. Perhaps I will sit down in the future and write about it, but not tonight. I know hard days will come, this life is not without its trials, but there are lessons to be learned from the trials we face. Today I was faced with one of the scariest moments of my life and as difficult as that moment was, I am so grateful it was not worse and even more grateful for the lessons I learned without having to face tragedy.

The one thing about this day that stands out above everything, was the moment I was laying on the couch staring at the wall and thought to myself, "it would be so easy to fall into a deep depression". This life is tough. I really felt that it would be so much easier just to lay there and wallow in my sorrow. Yet, after a long period of crying and not feeling much of anything I realized that if I didn't get up right then and do something, anything, that darkness I felt was going to overcome me. So I got up. What I did next was so minor, but it was what I needed, I paid some bills. This may not have been a relief to anyone else, but it was for me. I needed some reason to take a step forward and having to pay our housing/medical bills helped me remember that I am needed and what I do is small, but important.

With that being said, my heart still aches and I feel kind of empty tonight, but I felt the love and strength of my Savior as I got up and moved forward. I have had hard days and I know I will have more hard days, but as I have faith and follow the commandments, I will be as Elder Anderson says, "strengthened and spiritually refined."

Elder Anderson's talk "Trial of Your Faith" is excellent and worth the time to read, particularly if you are going through any sort of trial.